MISSING YOU

How can two people be part of the same world if there is someone always on the missing side? Is it the illusion our soul is trying to crave for romance? To miss somebody leaves one of those empty feelings inside of us we can only understand if the other part is with us again, maybe promising she’ll remember to be yours. Sometimes I wonder if the feeling of missing somebody is nothing but the fear of a sort of imperfection of not being enough. Actually we want to leave just to avoid the steady crossing mind – but we cant!

Is it about the old times, the new times or simply tears? I don’t like to say do not cry since not every tear seems to be a scourge.

But what if we begin to understand that at some point we aren’t able to look back. Can time heal everything or must we accept that some pain is that profound it may embrace us forever? Is this the fortress of our life we must deal with or should we try to escape once again in search for the expected better one, who maybe never will come along? Possibly we sometimes forget how it feels to be alive and try to make it up for missing you. Somehow missing means nothing but the chosen one is not only a star, but the damn whole sky to ourselves – the one who might be able to change a life by making the one place of being together the place one would rather be.

I would like to quote not one of the famous authors the literal world has seen but one of my most heartily friends by saying that missing is the wish of wanting to put the others dreams in the ones eyes. But what if the other looked into my eyes, saw my heart shatter but hers didn’t? Dreams are illusions but pain is having presence in mind. Somehow we must fight bitterly to protect the roots of our leaves.

Cheers

Lorax

I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED

The last days of October are usually the most beautiful and charming days of the year. The sun tries one last time more than rather hard to win the simply lost battle against the winter storms, showing us the little power it emphasizes. With the change of seasons and the detested backshift of time it is safe: Darkness does have us back and the first smell of snow blowing down from the glaciers of the Alps overruns the city’s heart. Every year this special sensation catches us again fully unprepared as we’ve grown accustomed this easily to our beloved days in July, but what are those customs we are hope- or hatefully addicted to? And why are we therefore in a state of mind we want the break button to be held? Those situations in between we maybe forgot to appreciate this outstanding moment but were still able to think and even rethink every thing out of the box besides the moment we actually should.

I wonder why we regret such movements as it is in our hands to decide. Are regrets lessons we have to learn in order to realize what we had to do, to become a better or let us say more grown-up person? Maybe it is regrets leading us to let a chance pass by out of our habitude to customs. George Bernhard Shaw reworked the great Greek Myth about Pygmalion at the beginning of the 20^th century caricaturing London’s society. One of the world’s most famous musicals was the final product of Shaw’s oeuvre – My Fair Lady, making impeccable Audrey Hepburn the one and only Eliza Doolittle. It is the very final scene of this piece of art bringing us back to the custom issue. Higgins, the grumpy phonetic-teacher, known as woman hater and treating Eliza the whole piece as a subject of science and of own success sings the following phrase after she left him for maybe ever:

I was serenely independent and content before we met

Surely I could always be that way again but yet

I’ve grown accustomed to her look, her voice, her face

Impalpable things – like the light coming down from a distant star is – do make us regret, often too late to maybe change things in a way round we might not be left without even having known what we had to lose. It is easy criticizing the world around us but it may not be that easy seeing criticism in our regrets, as they are and stay the things we had to walk through in order to even give us the possibility to be sorry for. We may make these errors but should always know never to carry them forward, seeing the future but feeling the past. The only thing we may overpower our customs is the moment we have to tell someone the way we feel for her. I am afraid that this will be the only serious regret we might announce looking back on our lives one day – that too often when we loved, we kept silent.

Cheers

Lorax

THE NIGHT OF DESIRES

Roundabout 1700 years ago Saint Lorenzo was martyred to death by the reigning roman emperor and till today the tears he cried to save the poor are seen as fiery shooting stars on the sky in the middle of august, so the Italian fairytale. Nevertheless people around the world and especially in Italy still see these special nights round the 10^th of august as great opportunity to make a wish with every single shooting star they luckily catch the sight of. My mum taught me this very special tradition and until today, it doesn’t matter where I am located I take the time and wait for the star rain. I never got the particularity of this night, as some might see it as every other one, but although it fills myself with a feeling of sentimentality. You may ask how can we even demand for a wish in a world we might own everything we could imagine, but in this special case it isn’t about materiality. It is about the emotion we get by confronting ourselves with the question of what we really want and maybe need. A certain kind of keeping things elementary.

The most special attribute of this night are the reactions of my friends I get back by remembering them to watch the sky. It is exactly therefore we make those wishes – to get some kind words and thoughts back to oneself, like the flying stars finding their route back home. We might say we have everything we desire, but I don’t like restricting the thought of a unique night to the basic needs. Sometimes I get the impression that we forget among all our sorrows on highest level, what it means to appreciate and be appreciated – I don’t see the necessity of suffering, because there isn’t any.

Tonight I would like to thank all those inspiring girls and boys around me, who maybe never get to know that they are and will be my very personal muses making every single of my nights to a memorable one. All those wishes flying down to earth tonight are yours – just catch them and maybe make a wish for me as well.

Thank You

Lorax

BRING THE ACTION

Saturday at lunchtime I had a really amusing get together with the parents of a friend of mine at the jammed It-Grill, downtown. After having let the usual small talk behind us the father started to test me an my psychological awareness by talking rather direct and sarcastically to me about some issues concerning the future. Certainly I could have answered overreacting by understanding his way of talking more offensive and personal like, but I simply shared his game and answered - at least I think I did - quite full of animating spirit. The conversation thus turned out as great fun with more than a plenty of ironic comments about a diversity of rather less actual topics.

While I was walking home through the crowded city, full of weekend tourists and shopping victims I began, inspired by this exceptional get-together, to think about what reaction actually is about. I mean why do people often react this different to issues, which may seem clear to your very self? One single sentence to two different characters might provoke two different viewings or even worlds. Strange as I would claim that we should react on a scientific level all the same, but we actually don’t! Is it really a matter of origin, education or simply ones nature to let us assimilate things that various? Action and reaction – two deeps so close and therefore so far in their actual motivation, as reaction is nothing but a consequence on someone’s action. But isn’t every action a reaction on an action before? Both are equal and opposite at the same time – confusing though.

I often wonder how people do react from time to time on some weird word, an attentive glance or a slight, uncareful touch. All attributes of flirting though, the misunderstanding, which appears in very many cases is often hardly to get, as the intention of someone’s appreciation might simply have been out of an random level of sympathy and nothing further more. Why do we have to take ourselves this lot too serious and can’t even accept, that there mustn’t be this regular an superior being of human relation? Sometimes we should agree that great Amy Winehouse was right by singing her famous words of love as a losing game, simply because people will in most cases react rather unexpected ways.

Later that week I was waiting for a cab after a very late aperitif, in front of the Charles Hotel, where the reaction topic didn’t literally get of my back, as I had to overhear a rather heated discussion of one of those typical fashionable couples about some childishness. For me as a spectator it seemed kind of obvious, that the she was overreacting in an exaggerated dimension, as the issue of dispute concerned their simple should we take a cab or the subway planning. The he stayed amazingly cool, letting her totally blow off. In such moments my curiosity would love to lead an interview with the minds of the presented show, in order to better understand why such a situation is even possible to provoke: How is their private actual situation? Did he cheat on her? Is she giving him a second chance out of the angst no one better could even want her? Or is she simply a cow he is the only one to handle the best? And probably most important; is her way of reacting even justified? Funny as I would say that we often are able to handle situations, which are highly out of our business with absolute objectivity, but are on the opposite hardly capable to arrange our own situations like a somewhat clear-thinking being - is reaction hindering ratio? Maybe it isn't that easy as we should never forget that emotions are the ratio's biggest enemies and will never let it get in touch concerning the very own reaction issues. So what is the clue about action and reaction? I mean without darkness, there wouldn‘t be stars, so therefore they are nothing but a consequence of a natural phenomenon and that's why we might compare stars to reactions; simply fascinating and depending on someone‘s mood - or the weather.

Cheers

Lorax

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